Shrek Is A Pinoy Mongoloid

Masarap din pala ang lasa ng ‘McShrek’, ‘yung royal ChickenNugget meal ng Mcdo.  Nung una, medyo pakipot pa akong tikman.  Kulay uhog kasi ‘yung mustard dip saka ‘yung bubble gum float  parang blue dye na nilalagay kapag may beke ka.  In perness, masarap ‘yung uhog maasim-asim at ‘yung float drink, lasang mouthwash parang katatapos mo pa lang magpalinis ng ipin.  The fears are all in the mind.  Sabay nood na rin ng  Shrek The Third sa Festival Mall kasama si BebeKo.  Pagpasok ko pa lang, sinalubong na ako ng smart ass chick na taga-punit ng ticket.  ‘Shrek?’, tanong sa akin na sinagot ko agad ng ‘Yes’.  Hagikhik si BebeKo.  ’Si Shrek ka daw’.  Bagal ko talaga pumik-ap ng humor, naisahan tuloy ako.  The airconditioning inside is friggin’ cold enough, pampatibay ng relasyong mag-asawa. 

Shrek The Third is the final installment of the story of a green ogre living in a swamp disturbed by fairy tale characters which King Farquaad drove off from the kingdom.  The last of the trilogy opens with the death of the frog king aka Shrek’s dad-in-law.  By default, Shrek is next in line to the throne.  Hesitant to be a king, he struggles to find young Arthur who is the other closest replacement to the throne being Princess Fiona’s cousin. Shrek The Third has come a long way from its prequels.  12 years after Dreamworks acquired this William Steig’s piece, it now boasts with the highest opening of an animated movie with $121 M gross.  Ito lang yata ang napanood kong Hollywood animation na ang bida ay mas masagwa pa sa almoranas ang itsura.  Alala ko tuloy nung nagsisimula pa lang si dadi Mike Enriquez bilang news anchor sa Saksi.  Tipong lalangawin ang news program pero ngayon unbeatable na sa rating.  Natuto ang mga tao na tumingin sa content rather than face value.  Remarkable din ang kanyang copyrighted line na ‘Mga kapusow esmyuski pow… hat – sing!’.  Yes my friends, pangit can also rule the world.   

Shrek by all standards is an anatomy of a pinoy man.  His nose could never rival the aquilinian nose of greek Gods, but still well-sculpted like an oversized kubrekama.  He attempts to smile innocently, but still looks like a manyak.  He feasts on bugs and insects like salagubang, tipaklong and alibangbang. Ha! Ha!  Very pinoy.   Shrek would never exchange his vermin-infested swamp to any other things in the world.  That’s the part I get misty-eyed, I remember my room in the prabins with its clutter and maggot-infested pizza bins.  Watching the movie was like watching ‘Reflections’ to me.   

Shrek though a family comedy has serious undertones.   Shrek struggles on the idea of becoming a family man.  Like a pinoy bachelor, he cannot be ready for that.  Parang ‘yung barkada kong si Reggie, ilang babae na ang kinabayo nun pero pag tatanungin mo kelan magse-settle down, bigla kang titignan ng catatonic look.  ‘Hindi pa ako ready, pre’.  Pre my ass.  Kung ilang babae na ang nabulag mo sa kawiwisik ng sperm, baka kulangin pa ang buhok ko sa kili-kili sa pagbilang. 

Shrek The Third features the voices of Mike Myers (Shrek), Cameron Diaz (Princes Fiona), Eddie Murphy (Donkey), Antonio Banderas (Puss in Boots) and Justin Timberlake (young King Arthur).