The Penis Monologue

16 07 2007

Women have sixth sense.  Lakas ng pang-amoy kung nagsisinungaling ka o hindi.  Early in my relationship, I can’t lie to MyBebe.  As a psychologist, she knows.  She said that generally, a right-handed man is lying when he keeps on glancing sideways to his left while explaining.  And so with a left-handed man who keeps on glancing sideways to his right.  That’s science.  But even after mastering the art of not glancing to my left (I’m right handed), she still knows.  I don’t know if it’s gut feeling or that clitoris has extra sensor that measures wavelength sort of a polygraph test. 

“Ano na naman ‘yang ginagawa mo sa banyo?”. 

“I’m taking a leak..” [shouts] 

“No you’re not.  I know what you’re doing. Nagjajakol ka na naman.” 

Packing sheet.  Why do I get cornered always?  I’ve been in a relationship for quite some time and have moved in to BebeKo’s apartment just last year.  Moving in means getting rid of my boyhood attachments to watching discovery channel (aka that channel 101 in wee hours of the morning that showcases human copulation), and ditching my reading materials on the field of human exploratory behavior (read: FHM).  MyBebe caught me reading porn once and I explained I just borrowed it from an MMDA guy standing along Ayala Av [one in a million chance but still is true].  She gave me that smoldering look I just wished the ground  opened up and swallowed me whole.   

May mga chances na kahit wala kang ginagawa, ikaw pa din ang may kasalanan.   

“What have I done?” 

“I saw you with another girl.” [sobbing] 

“Where?” 

“In my dreams.  And she’s only wearing white panty and bra and she’s cuddling you…” 

What da.  How do you defend yourself in that situation?  What would I say?  “Ah, I’m sorry?  I won’t do it in your dreams again.  Wag na u magalit, pleaze.”  Instead, I just said:  “Maybe it’s you.” 

“Nooo!  I don’t have a white bra.” 

Sigh.  Women. They’d pick you up for a fight just for the heck of, well… picking up a fight.  I tell you, they are bullies by nature.  And I don’t know why, but we love them even more… 🙂

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96 responses

16 07 2007
tim ang

ang lupit ng bebe mo naman pala. may pa-explain pa ng galaw ng ulo habang nag-e-explain. astig ang gf na psych! Mahirap nga lang magtago ng secret.

16 07 2007
badoodles

tim ang in da haus! oo nga e. buti na lang tinuro nya sa kin, di na nya tuloy mai-apply kasi alam ko na ung concept. madami pa un e, meron pang rolling of the eyeballs churba.

16 07 2007
Richmond

Alam mo bang Badoodles ang tawag namin sa kinaiinisan naming teacher sa history nung high school ako. nabasa daw yun ng classmate ko sa pocketbook. wala lang nataw lang ako sa name mo.

16 07 2007
badoodles

yo monmon, walking dick din ba ung history teacher mo o baka naman mukhang dick? sex icon kasi ako sa bahay, hilariously running around barenaked. but m called ‘antoni d great’ sa pormal na mundo. 🙂

16 07 2007
MARU

hello mr. yag badoodles. i just wanna thank u sa pagbisita mo sa blog ko last week. really, it’s an honor. pa-kiss nga! mwehehe! 😛 best regards.

16 07 2007
badoodles

hahaha! bawal. baka ibitin ako ng patiwarik ni bebeKo. 😉 sang karangalan ni betlog boy ang bisitahin ang top wordpress blogger ng pinas.. salamat din. pa-link nga ko. 😆

16 07 2007
dimaks

muntik na matapon yun tubig ko pareng badoodles! mahirap nga depensahan ang sarili kapag ganung sa panaginip nangyari ang lahat.

mabuti na yang FHM kesa yung mga pocketbooks sa kalye na for rent, lol.

16 07 2007
badoodles

baka naman sake’ yang tinitira mo ngaun jan kapatid na dimaks. sarap nyan pag malamig.

ung kakilala ko ngang barumbadong taga lto, nagbabasa nung pocketbook na malibog [sori pareng nap]. dami daw kasing bed scenes. na-curious naman ako pero di ko pa naman nasubukan.

16 07 2007
Jovi

I enjoyed your blog, mr. badoodles. mind if we link up? 😉

16 07 2007
bebe

the last part is hilarious! sobrang natawa naman ako dun.

sometimes women are twisted, or strategy lang namin un para may lambingan afterwards. hehehe, considering that make up *bleep* is always great! bwahahaha!

16 07 2007
gbert

women women, they have their own ways of thinking.. ganun na ganun din yung gf ko.. minsan malaman ko na lang galit na sakin di ko naman alam kung bakit tapos isang taon pang pagpipilit na sabihin kung bakit tapos langya, yung sagot eh di mo malaman kung matatawa ka or maaasar ka, maliit na bagay lang pala..

16 07 2007
Chi

ummm.. baka naman bawal kang manood ng porn or magbasa ng porn na ikaw lang mag isa? baka gusto nya eh sabay nyong gagawin yun. sabi kasi ng nanay ko sa akin na a healthy sex life between couples results to a healthy married life/relationship.

anyway, 5 years na kami ng husband ko at alam ko kung kelan sya nag sisinungaling sa akin.. nag fflare up kasi nostrils nya pag guilty siya.

17 07 2007
rowjie

wow! it’s been along time since i’ve been here! well, i’ve been busy recently. I updated your link already. hmmm, nice post. This is somehow true for many people out there…

17 07 2007
Flori

ah hahahahahaha! nakakatuwa. weird at frustrating pero from my point of view cute! hehehe

17 07 2007
badoodles

wahaha! teka isa-isahin ko muna. to jovi [fresh from oscar’s blog] :), ive added u up. looks lyk we’re on the same dilemma whether to write in english or tagalog. but taglish sounds smooth to me.

17 07 2007
badoodles

hi xtianne, ganun ba yun? haha! now i know…

17 07 2007
badoodles

@gbert parehong-pareho nga tayo parekoy. ung pilitan eksena ang mahirap kasi ayaw talagang sabihin. parang short tempered me meets bratinella bebeKo. pag sinabi na, un lang pala un.

17 07 2007
badoodles

@chi astig naman description mo sa hubby mo, ginawa mong cartoons pang pinocchio. baka nga nostrils ko din ang batayan ng pagsisinungaling kasi lumalaking parang waiting shed pag nagmamaangmaangan.. 🙂

17 07 2007
badoodles

@rowjie musta ang busy buddy? buti di ka nakakalimot tumambay. paalam ko nga pala sau, lagay ko ung badge mo sa badges link ko . ung pinoy po.

17 07 2007
badoodles

@floricutie salamat sa pagdaan kahit alam kong mukang busy sked mo. natawa ako sa public statement mo as gretchen b-yatch.

17 07 2007
bebenibadoodles

she was not even in a bra! only white undies…

my eyes are not closed to the changes and the sacrifices you make to come at par with my outrageous attitude, rest assured that you are loved more for being the very special person you are…

thanks for the two sleepless saturdays you spent waiting for me to be done with work. pagmamahal na yun talaga!

17 07 2007
badoodles

bebeKO ganun ba un, mejo distorted na nga memory ko.

anyhoot, kaya talaga ako nagi-stay sa opis mo kasi may libreng pagkain. ahihi. biro lang po. labyu talaga. di ako makatulog pag di kita katabi.

17 07 2007
gladita

I don’t know if it’s gut feeling or that clitoris has extra sensor that measures wavelength sort of a polygraph test. >>>LOL! matindi ito! it’s called female intuition my friend. and it’s almost always true. hehehe

17 07 2007
badoodles

glad ur back my pren. madaya nga, bakit kau meron. dapat ung etits din namin meron ding sensor na nakaka-determine kung nagpapakyut lang o talagang galit na ang aming mylabs.

17 07 2007
bebe

sweet nyo naman ng BebeMo. 🙂

nga pala, somehow i cannot figure out the picture na nasa profile mo kapag nagpopost ka ng comment sa ibang blogs. penguin ba un?!! haha. sorry mejo malabo mata ko.

17 07 2007
badoodles

ah… si superman un. galing sa superman damovie. superman naman tawag sa kin ng mommy ko kasi m her hero. saka nakuha ko kasi ung pagiging sira ang tuktok ni superman na pagsusuot ng brip sa labas ng kanyang pantalon. 😉

17 07 2007
bebe

bwahahahaha, so gawain mo pa rin kaya yan ngayon, oh baka si wonderwoman ang kasama mo sa panaginip ni BebeMo!hihi.
jusme, bakit nga ba penguin ang pagkakakita ko. hehehe.

17 07 2007
badoodles

penguin? pede rin. 😆 kasi may pagka-happy feet ako kung maglakad. naiiwan ung pwet ko. hahaha!

17 07 2007
bebe

hahaha. iniimagine ko officemate ko na guy na ganun maglakad, parang ang sagwa. ang malisosya ko tlaga. bwahaha!

17 07 2007
badoodles

ayan napatawa ka tuloy. cute ako tignan when im running around da haus buttnaked. wag lang slow-motion, non-chelande kasi masagwa na ang dating.

17 07 2007
bebe

hahaha. pasalamat ka nde kita kilala by face, creative at mabilis kse ang imagination ko. bwahahaha! kaya nde ako hirap makisama sa guys, parang nakaka-catch up ako sa mga green minded na mokongs. hehe.

17 07 2007
badoodles

kaya nga. da looks of it, lam ko nmang one of the boys ka. 😉

17 07 2007
haze

natawa ako dun sa clit having some sensory chenes. magaling!! pero pano kaya kung totoo nga?

minsan nakakaasar nga yung ganun na out of the blue eh mangaaway. guilty ako dyan. pero in all honesty eh, ginagawa ko lang yun kasi gusto ko maglambing. hehehe sabi nga ni bebe, mas enjoy ang make up *toot* hehehe

btw, i-link na rin kita sa blog ko. matagal na rin kasi akong lurker dito.

17 07 2007
badoodles

hi haze, kau ha, bad talaga kau. hehe. katawan lang pala namin ang habol nyo. just kiddin 😉 tnx sa link up. link u up too.

17 07 2007
bebenibadoodles

women possess the most complex personality type and though scholars try to define us, we remain to be a mystery to all mankind.

the best part of being a woman is that we define our man. every man’s triumph and downfall can be attributed to the will power of the woman behind him…

17 07 2007
badoodles

nga no, si imelda kay ferdi marcos. si delilah kay samson. si hope kay pareng james. teka puro downfall un ah… hehe..

bebeKo, m coming howm. ano ulam?

18 07 2007
bonniefazzyoo

wee! ang saya naman dito, hehehe! women are so complicated that’s why i don’t go out with them but i love them anyway. 🙂

18 07 2007
badoodles

bonnie yo! welcome to da site. saka magastos lumabas. better invit them to da haus for a chillax and hmmm… hehehe!

18 07 2007
khonz

nkakatawa nmn ung dreams.. 😀

don’t try so hard to understand women, we are extra special creatures. 😀
ganun pala ha..invite sa home for a chill and a hmmm ha… anyway, you have amusing posts. 😉

18 07 2007
badoodles

jok onli 😆 para manuod ng kapuso network with pancit canton saka cold water on the syd. tipid di b?

wag nyo naman kaming pahirapan, we r humans too, ya know. ahihi :mrgreen:

18 07 2007
sawn

naku! ganyan ganyan din labidabs ko. (di ko pa na kwento mahirap na.) may pag ka selosa pa. di ko nga maintindihan, eh sya lang naman nag ka mali sakin. sabi ko nga, “labs naman, wala naman akong iba ah? tsaka mataas na standards ng babae ngayon, di na nadadala sa pa ngiti ngiti…”
“sige, bukan mo ngingiti ngiti dyan sa mga babae at makikita mo!” tapos mag mamaktol na yan, “kaw talaga, lagi mo na ako inaasar…”
pero kahit ganun pa man. labidabs ko yun.

18 07 2007
badoodles

tama ka jan pareng sawn. cute sila pag nagmaktol pero anhirap suyuin. nung minsan nga din na binati lang ako nung receptionist sa healthway alabang ng gud morning sir. galit na galit na. gustong bangasin ung mukha. hahaha!

18 07 2007
Mithi

Parang unreasonable minsan noh? Hehe, di pala minsan, most of the time unreasonable, pero yung “pick up a fight” madalas lambing yun.

Pramis. 🙂

18 07 2007
badoodles

ah… sana may sign. parang biglang iilaw ung ilong ganun. lagi mo sigurong ginagawa kay otom mo yan no?. jok onli. hehe!

18 07 2007
Padre Salvi

hala. ang astig ng anecdote. haha. alam ko na ang lilipatan ko sakaling di palarin sa ece. PSYCH!!

18 07 2007
badoodles

nakow may bagong recruit tayo sa psych [wala pang board exam yan kesa ece]. mas inline yan sa magiging career track mo kunsakali mag pari k. ikalat ang pilosopiya sa mundo sa pamamagitan ni padre salvi. 😉

18 07 2007
kurokuroko

salamat sa panonood mo ng aming show. 🙂 at salamat sa pagbisita sa aking blog.

18 07 2007
bebenibadoodles

gusto mo ng success story? how about mybebe and badoodles? wahaha!

18 07 2007
badoodles

di na ako manonood ng i-witness pag di moko ni-link pare. hahaha! ur da best man. lupit talaga ng productions nyo.

18 07 2007
badoodles

myBebe and badoodles. parang now showing yan ah bebeKo, pantapat sa music and lyrics nina hugh grant saka drew barrymore. 😉

18 07 2007
Jovi

Hey Mr. Badoodles! I was wonderin’ if you’re interested in joinin’ Palaban… 🙂

19 07 2007
badoodles

palaban sa wordpress? kelangan pa ba? e prens ko naman kaung lahat na nandun except kay isagani na nagmamaktol pag ginagamit ko ang katagang ‘mongoloid’.

19 07 2007
Salve

lesson dun: don’t mess with women! hahaha!

19 07 2007
badoodles

yep. uv said it right salve… 😉 life’s greatest lesson…

19 07 2007
brokenman

i enjoyed this entry a lot dude. i agree with ur views on women. God bless.

19 07 2007
badoodles

thanx man. i know uv got a lotta more experienz with women [guru level] n u can impart more ‘wisdom’ to oder guys.

19 07 2007
Jovi

Ay, napahiya tuloy ako… Pasensya na… 🙂

19 07 2007
badoodles

hot jovi. sori didn’t mean anything bad. m cool hanging with you guys around.

19 07 2007
A Z R A E L

kaibigang yagbadoodles.. sobra ako natawa sa post mo lol.

naalala ko minsan nabato ako ng unan habang natutulog. nanaginip si misis na may ka-date daw ako. tanong ko kung maganda. hala.. sabi ba naman.. “di ko sure eh, parang bading nga ata”..

bwakanabitch. nabato ako ng unan dahil sa bading na panaginip waaaaaaaaah!

20 07 2007
badoodles

wahaha wakokok! mas kulit pala ung anecdote mo. napakalikot talaga ng imagination ng mga babae.

24 07 2007
auee

may saving statement ka pa at the end ha…

baka kasi yung dream nya very realistic kaya naiyak.

27 07 2007
nelo

mahirap talaga intindihin ang mga babae..akala ko nga eh sakin lang ganun..tsk tsk..

yun na nga rin ang dahilan kaya ako nagtatago ngyon eh…pati greetings ng babae eh kinaaasaran..

27 07 2007
badoodles

@nelo nyahaha! kaya pala imbisibol blog ha. gusto pa naman ng babae ng pa-mysterious epeks. hala ka, baka mag backfire ‘yan pre. haha!

27 07 2007
nelo

nakow! iwas pusoy ako dyan..haha! pero mas ok na tong patago tago muna…palamig ba! di tulad dati na konting “hi” lang eh magtatampo na..aysus!

ikaw din pre..ingat ka! mukhang habulin ka rin eh 😀

27 07 2007
badoodles

hahaha! ako, wala akong alam sa mga ganyan. 😆 nagbabasa ng blog si bebeKo. lagot.

30 07 2007
bingskee

hilarious post.. medyo pareho kami ng bebe mo mag react about dreams na me kasama si papsie. ngayon ko lang naisip ang dilemma niya on how to react about it. but maybe it’s our way of saying, BEWARE ha ha

on the other hand, reading porno is taboo na ba when you’re in a relationship?

30 07 2007
badoodles

@bingskee kahiyaan phase pa lang kasi nakilala nya naman ako super hulsam boy. di naninigarilyo. di umiinom. kunyari. pero sabi nga ni mommychi mas okay pag dalawa kau magbasa. kaso lang baka mag expek masyado performance wise. a hihi!

2 08 2007
jp

Pansin ko lang, bakit puro tungkol sa babae mga post mo ngayon? Nyahahaha!

2 08 2007
badoodles

@jp tigaetits kasi ako ngayon. hahaha. hinde, ala pang ma-movie review antay ko pa ung bourne ultimatum pre. ayaw ko nung ouija baka madiskubre kong matatakutin pala ako. 🙂

3 08 2007
jp

the last thing i read now are movie reviews. bawal ma-spoil. 😆

pahamak ang uaap at ncaa sa panonood ng sine. 😆

3 08 2007
badoodles

@jp kaya nga. the heat is on! constant naman update mo sa site mo with the scoreboards kaya ok lang, u hev much things to cover.

6 08 2007
asiainfo

i think u shld buy ur bebe a white bra.. hahaha! well i dreamt of any clothes.. it meant im scraving for one! thats an easy psychological analysis.. women are born to shop while men wait eternity.. hehehe love shucks! kudos! love ur blog!

6 08 2007
lllredlll

True, true, malakas radar namin mga girls, talo pa namin ang satellite ng NASA. 😀

6 08 2007
badoodles

@asiainfo u sure? lyk my blog ispokening tagalog. u might hev dugo dugo ilong reading my post. kiddin… thanks for dropping by.

6 08 2007
badoodles

@lllredlll pambihira. san nyo ba nakuha yang powers na yan ng makabili nga kahit lima. daig nyo pa lie detector test ah. 😉

7 08 2007
asiainfo

why dugo dugo? marunong ako mag tagalog.. jologs din ako hehehe ur blog is funny

7 08 2007
badoodles

@asiainfo really? wow. gulat ako kasi chinese ang features mo. baka kako fr mainland china. ahihi. sori. tnx ulit sa pagtambay. i like ur asia blog also.

7 08 2007
asiainfo

thanks.. i love trivia.. link up to my site.. hmm i spend most of my time in china though.. work stuffs.. love the place…. but nothing beats our country.. all the polution in EDSA, the corruption, The huge belly policemen, the peing in the street, and greetings with P%^$#&* Ina.. its all about pinoys.. cant find the original anywhere like the la paz batchoy and our halo halo! hahhaha!

8 08 2007
badoodles

@asiainfo olrayt. rightly said. just got caught in trafic for two hours in edsa a while ago. so much time wasted. be linking u up. 😉

16 08 2007
undextrois

tough one. 😉 haha Lol!

16 08 2007
badoodles

@undextrois yep. tough. really. id just laugh my ass out so it won’t get into my skin.

29 08 2007
jp

pinagtitiyagaan mo pala daanan ang site ko kahit isang beses sa isang buwan aka once in a blue moon ko lang siya iupdate. hehehe…

29 08 2007
badoodles

kaya nga pare, institution ka na sa angelfire. wala ka bang balak lumipat dito sa wordpress. mas ok dito.

29 08 2007
jp

wordpress ang publisher pero naka-direct parin sa angelfire. old school kasi ako. blogger. i heart google. 😆

29 08 2007
badoodles

@pareng jp hehe. ganun pala un. kunsabagay kung si jason bourne nga google din gamit, saka si frenzy dun sa transformers.

23 09 2007
Pogi

I sympathize with you. Ganon din misis ko.

23 09 2007
badoodles

@pogi mahirap talaga maging pogi in real life man o sa paningin ni misis [in my case]. hehe.

3 01 2008
kimmys

oo nga. galing ng mga instinct ng gurls… :p maiapply nga ung ginagawa ng bebemo sa boyfriend ko. madameng sikreto un eh.. hhhmmm…

badoodles: @kimmys kau talagang mga gels bad kau. hehe

7 01 2008
Akino

bro..just remember what Hitler said…”a lie said twenty times is the truth”…practice lang fake mo din bebe mo.

saka..in the first place nabula mo iyon…kya nga bebe mo na db 😀

badoodles: @akino wala na bro, nabasa na ‘to ni bebeKo. sabi ko naman sau iprivate message mo na lang ‘yang ‘sikret op d trade natin’. hehe.

8 01 2008
Akino

ah ganun ba…cgi e2 nlng ang last resolve mo…sabihin mo nlng…ksalanan nya lahat nag-asawa cya ng gwapo kaya dapat in the first place plng expect na nya iyn…hehehe…ok ba…basta mgaling ka lng umilag ha…baka side kick or 1-2 punch ang sagot sau…:D

badoodles: @akino hehe, ayaw kong maside kick kaya ang sagot ko lang… no comment. 😆

3 02 2008
Dubai Kerida

hi baduds…..cute ng blogsite mo….im a fan, BTW….this thing about us women catching our better halves, you know watching ‘discovery channel’ and reading materials on human exploratory behavior….me and my partner find it more arousing, minsan he wants me to watch porn muna bago kami mag make love….hehehehe weird, but i really get aroused more pag ganun…..and i love FHM, im not lesbian, and i’ve nothing against them, but, i love looking at women’d sexy bodies….cguro kasi sometimes i find myself emmulating those images….and also the sex positions and styles, that’s why….anyway, gudlak to ur sex life anyway, stay faithful…….

badoodles @dubai talaga? ganun din ako pag nanonood ng discovery channel. naarouse pag may napapanood na mga langgam na nagtototnakan. haha! biro lang. ibang discovery channel pala ung sinasabi mo. medyo may second thought kasi ako sa ganyan [panonood kasama si labs], baka tumaas ang level ng expectation sa kin, mahirap na. hehe, pery its worth a try siguro. 😉

14 06 2008
aleihs

wahaha!!! io like ur story!! kaaliw bebe mo!! waha.. u’r olways getting caught. wahaha..

14 06 2008
aleihs

i lyk dis story!! wahaha!! astig bebe mo!!! =D

20 10 2008
andrea

aw.ankyut naman ng blog na to.im a psyche stdent,and i cant w8 to master d skills that ure bebe has. para naman ma-dtect q kung nagla-lie din ang bugzko! heheh! btw, im a fan,even th0ugh lurker lng aq.haha. to mr. bad0odle’s bebe, TWO THUMBS UP!

badoodles: @andrea word of advice, cliche’ na pero aplicable pa rin: greater power comes with greater responsibility.

20 10 2008
andrea

i am s0o exciteD na mgng full-pledged psyche na dn like ur bebe.im 0nly a psyche stdnt f0r n0w.by the time n makagrad nqu, i’ll be m0re able t0 tell whether my bf is lying or n0t.bt nevertheless, women are b0rn gfted.haha.

badoodles: @andrea yes you are

6 03 2009
deathbringer

astig nga tlga mga gals.. naexperience ko narn yang drim drim na yan.. amfufu.. mhaba habang usapan din un.. and wat a coincidence kse bhebhe_ko din un.. pero syempre sabi ko naman: ” bhe panaginip lang un, kabaliktaran ng reality..” amp buti nlng mabenta pa ung linya na un sa knya.. aun.. after d fyt.. swit na ulit sya.. pero sbi ba naman sakin: ” naku, wag mo lang gagwin un.. kundi kakapunin kta ng bonggang bongga..” awts..

idol na kta badoodles.. petmalu blogs mo.. hehe.. \m/..

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